I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
