Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
