guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Acid is not a monday night drug
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
