I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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