Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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