I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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