doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize