Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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