It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
