There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
