I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I need to align my fucking chakras
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
