im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
