Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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