Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize