i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
