so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
