I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
