Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
