Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You ruined the universe
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