but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
