we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Randomize
