We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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