exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
