Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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