Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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