operation harelip BJ is a go
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
