3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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