I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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