My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
