I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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