I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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