her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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