we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
