At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
