He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
