Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
