Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
