The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
