All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
