yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
