The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
