I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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