Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
