"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
