Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
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