Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
