My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm passing your future prison.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
