Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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