I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
