You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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