Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
