I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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