sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i just had sex bonerless
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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