i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize