o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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