It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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