trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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