Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
