have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
false alarm, still single
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