The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
