omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
