He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize