Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
