they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
