I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
