I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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