dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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