There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
so much tequila, so little girl.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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