There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We had to coat check the pizza.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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