and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
